I’m one of four daughters and out of us all, I have always cared more for our animals. We have always had animals in my life. Always. In fact, there has never been a time in my life where we didn't have a dog. Which makes sense for my first interaction with death to be with an animal of mine.
The one I remember and actually processed was the death of my first cat. Daisy. We had other animals before her which passed away but I was too young to really understand. But Daisy's death hit me hard. She didn’t in fact die of old age. No. Our next-door neighbours let their hunting dogs out on her because she was chasing birds in their back garden. My dad had to scale a six-foot metal fence to get to her because they were just letting them kill her. I was woken up by her howling. I had to watch as my dad brought her little body in through the back door a blood-soaked towel wrapped around her. I was eight.
The next was our German Shepard Jerry-Lee. As some of you may know the breed is pretty susceptible to joint issues especially in their back legs. For some reason, crystals form and it slowly debilitates them. He was such a good boy. We did everything we could to help him, apple cider vinegar in his food and kippers, medication, everything. But it got to the point where he couldn't get up to even use the bathroom and he would just defecate on himself. My dad would have to lift him inside and outside because he couldn't do it on his own anymore. One morning my sisters and I woke up got ready for school. I kissed Jerry’s nose gave him a pat and off we went. But when we got back he wasn’t there anymore. I looked everywhere for him… They’d taken him to the vet while we were all away and he was put down. I didn’t speak to my parents for weeks. The fact they didn’t tell us and we didn’t get to say a proper goodbye still upsets me to this day. I think I might have been around 11 or 12 I'm not too sure.
Then Princess. I was 16 this time. She was the dog I’d know the longest, bonded with the most and when Jerry passed away she literally came with us everywhere. She had a designated seat in our car. Her name evolved into piggy because her bin raiding and huge appetite leaf her to look more like a barrel then a dog. She was a corgy sausage dog mash-up with a bunch of other things mixed in there. To be quite honest Piggy was like marmite. She hated strangers and would snap but with us, she was as soft as anything. I don't know what sparked her downhill spiral but she went downhill very very very quickly. I could tell that day it was my last day with her. My dad tried telling me she was going to be fine but sometimes you just know. I had school again and I just didn’t want to go. I gave her the biggest cuddle and a kiss on the head. When I came home she wasn’t there and my dad was crying. Apparently, she had undiagnosed diabetes and some sort of infection or cancer I can't quite remember because I was just sobbing the entire time my parents were explaining it to me.
Finally was Cleo. She was a rescue we had only had for about a year maybe two but it felt like we had her from a puppy. She fit so well into the family and it destroyed us all when she left us. She had been acting weird for a few days beginning of January this year (2020) and a few days before my 18th birthday my parents rushed her to the vet. She had a high temperature but they said she was going to be fine after a drip and a few jabs. The day after my birthday however they rushed her back and she passed away there. Something had ruptured in her stomach but the vets apparently didn't see it the first time. But this time I got to say goodbye. It destroyed my dad the most. He took her to work every day. He bonded with her the most out of all of us. But we were all heartbroken. Safe to say it was a shit start to an even worse year.
These are the reasons why whenever my animals go to the vets I think they are never coming back. Why I hate taking me dogs off the leads because I'm scared they will run away and get hurt. Why I care so much. Yes. They trigger my anxiety in more ways than one but id be damned if I didn't have them. My animals were and still are my entire life and the time I have or had with them will always absolutely be worth heartbreak of losing them.
If you have a chance to rescue or have an animal do it. It will be the best thing you ever do. Animals love is like no other and I will continue to rescue animals until the day I die.
